Some may have wondered why I haven’t made a post about mental health in this “Mental Health Awareness Week”. I’ve found it hard to think of what to say. I’m not usually one for these “weeks”. People who are being bullied or have cancer or some disability will live with their condition & emotions all year round. A week might make a difference in a sense, but not much.
I am working on renting a new shop in Maghull. The plans have always included a small seating area for customers to enjoy a tea or coffee - most likely self service. Prices will not be the usual “One latte, one pot of tea, that’ll be £17 please.” The idea behind this is rather simple. When I was going through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (one of 3.5 times) I would have to build up the courage to do “exposure tasks”. Effectively forcing myself to go out into the world & interacting with others. It sounds simple but honestly, it’s hell. I’m 30 years old & I sadly can’t remember a time someone has called me, or knocked on the door, or I’ve had to leave my house - even to put out the bins - without taking a deep breath & telling myself “I’m fine.” I know that is preposterous to say, but it helps to be self aware. I’m not normal and it’s far less exhausting to accept it than pretend I am.
I digress. Exposure tasks. I was told to leave the house by my therapist. “Even if you just get on a bus for a stop”. How? Buses cost money. ATOS said I couldn’t claim benefits because I was “fit for work”. They asked questions like “can you sit at a computer? Can you pick up a sack of potatoes?” To this day I’m still curious as to what job they had in mind for me at the computer-potato factory. It turns out those two tasks mean “fit for work”. So I couldn’t get financial help.
And that’s why the last 8 years of my life I’ve had no financial support, from a system I gladly paid into as soon as my NI number came through the door.
Some people can’t even afford a bus ride, so how are they supposed to join the outside world? I wasn’t exactly going to tell my dad “I need £2 so I can get on a bus for one stop as I’m scared every time I’m in public I will vomit.” And that’s the point, we won’t talk, we will stay silent out of embarrassment - I guess I was wrong about awareness after all. It will help.
I want to create a place where anyone who is anxious about leaving the house, going through the motions of CBT, can sit & breathe; read a book, scroll on their phone, look out the window - knowing that the person running the shop (me) is just as nervous as they are. You won’t be hassled. You won’t be bothered unless you initiate it. I dislike the term “safe space”, but I want people to feel like like they can be calm & let the world slow down even for a few minutes. You know when you walk into Lush? And the staff run at you before you can say your pre-prepared “I’m just looking thanks.” Well, my shop will be the opposite to that. Laid back.
Similar to our old Preston store, I will have my record player in the shop. Be prepared for more Carole King’s Tapastry, Stevie Wonder’s Songs in the key of Life & The Beatles - everything.
On the coffee tables there will be leaflets & information about mental health for you to read or take; for yourself or anyone you know who may need it. If you’re having a bad day and can’t even afford the tea, just tell me, write it on a piece of paper and slip it to me if you are too afraid to talk, I won’t charge you. I’d much rather lose 50p then refuse to help someone go through what I have gone through. What I continue to go through. Unless you turn up every day, wearing a different wig to bag a free cuppa, then I might have to charge you for the milk & tea bags.
I hope that business can go back to usual soon so I can continue to make donations to Samaritans & other such organisations again. For those that don’t know a % of profit from every sale is donated; with our Gift boxes giving a 10% profit donation.
I know this is a strange and unsettling time for everyone. Let’s keep each other going. Support one another.
And when this is over, don’t support the giant corporations that have done nothing for you (obviously not all big companies are bad), but the local business down the road that know you by name, that genuinely care for you as a customer. We, independent, family run businesses need your help now more than ever. How else am I going to afford to go to the pub when this is all over?
P.S. Use this extra time with your loved ones not for arguments but for laughter, enjoyment & fun memories. When will you get this much time together again? And for the ones you can’t yet see, use this time to appreciate how important they are to you - how hard it is to not to see them - how we take them for granted. Be positive.
P.P.S. Take care, stay safe & remember, you’re doing great, you’ll get through this.